Baka Neko
by MandM7
Summary: Kanda is on a quest for decent soba when something attracts his attention. That something is...a cat? NekoAllen! Rated T for swearing!


**Hello! This is just a cute, little story my brain hatched up. It's kind of humor. (Kinda?) I don't know if anyone will read this, but if you do I hope you enjoy it!  
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**By the way, I do not own DGM! (*sob*)**

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The glowing orb of light overhead emits long, draping rays of infernal heat that melt anything, or anyone, unfortunate enough to be outside. Squiggling, dancing lines of heat radiate up from the hard, black pavement; a visible sign of just how merciless a summer day can be in this city.

It's a usually bustling city with a median population of 55,000 occupants, most of which are college students enrolled in the nearby university. It's a highly reputable campus that gloats of scholarly success and expert professors. Students from across the country, and even internationally, gather to study at the school, making the city a mixture of many exotic and foreign cultures.

Colorful shops dot the main road, advertising their goods and foods. Traditional Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Korean, Italian, Mexican, and even Country restaurants co-mingle in a bizarre harmony, allowing the city's residents to enjoy a full array of tastes. There isn't much one could ask for within the city and not be able to find, nestled in a secluded shop on some remote back road. That is, of course, unless you're searching for decent soba.

One such person, a tall, well-built Japanese man with long, trailing midnight blue hair, storms out of an out of the way restaurant claiming to cater to traditional Japanese cuisine. Kanda glares angrily at the entrance once before stalking off down the sidewalk.

"Decent soba my ass." He huffs.

That makes five restaurants he's visited within the last hour that's failed to meet his standards. He left his apartment with his mission after his roommates, Daisya and Marie, offered to order take out. Kanda, being the person he is, upright refused, instead deciding to find his own lunch. The three of them, like most others their age, are enrolled in the university to study their selected majors. They agreed to share an apartment in order to afford the unusually high rent.

If it wasn't for that reason Kanda would have killed Daisya a long time ago. That idiot has no respect for his things, his room, or his food. He ate the last of Kanda's soba the night before, which is more than enough to piss the samurai off, but then he had the nerve to laugh at him, telling him to try something new for once. It's not like his lunch has to be soba, right?

Marie managed to stop him from slicing the obviously suicidal idiot in half; going so far as to steal Kanda's precious katana, Mugen, and hiding it from him. So Kanda did the only thing he could; he growled as menacingly as he could and left on his new, unwanted quest. Now it's nearly one in the afternoon and the Japanese youth has yet to find a single noodle that doesn't bring bile to his lips.

Royally aggravated at this point, Kanda finally decides the point is mute. He'll have to go hungry for the time being until he goes shopping again, a chore he's not looking forward to. However, returning to the apartment now would mean enduring Daisya's mindless bantering for the remainder of the night. Not an enjoyable pass time. Instead he heads down a separate alley toward the city park, searching for an empty bench where he can sit and fully enjoy some peace and quiet.

Twenty minutes later, he finds such a spot. It's a small, wooden bench that comfortably seats two and rests off the normal beaten path, away from any distractions or noise. Hanging overhead is an old oak tree with a twisting knot of branches that create a shaded area over the bench. Considering the current blistering heat and Kanda's level of irritation, it's a perfect spot.

He sits down right in the middle of the seat, not even giving any passerby a chance at sitting and annoying him. Slowly he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He focuses on the air entering and leaving his lungs, the rustling of the trees, the high-pitched chirps of birds, the occasionally pattering of some squirrel or rodent. The park settles in around him and Kanda feels his mind relaxing as it enters a quiet state of meditation. That is, of course, until there's a loud yelp above him.

Kanda's eyes snap open. He looks up and spots a small bundle of snow white fur high up in the tree. The fuzzball shifts on its perch and Kanda makes out legs, pointy ears and a long tail curled up in the leaves. Around its neck is a bright red ribbon tied into a bow.

When the head looks down, Kanda finally gets a good look at its face. Trailing down the left side of the cat's face is a long, angular scar that reaches from the top, across its left eye and down to its neck. It's definitely not your normal cat, Kanda thinks and stares up into its pale, gray eyes. Those eyes stare down at him, silently pleading and boring their way into his. One look at the cat's position and Kanda restrains himself from eye rolling.

_A cat stuck in a tree. How original._

As if able to read his mind, the cat perks up and sits on its hind legs. It lets out one clear meow and waits for him. Kanda lets out a "che" and looks away. Obviously unhappy, the cat mews again, this time louder. Kanda growls and glances back up. The cat stares back with its best endearing, helpless look, desperately asking for help. Kanda has only one answer.

"Hell no."

If the cat can get itself up there, then it can figure out how to get back down. If that takes all day, then so be it. He isn't about to come to the rescue of some dumb animal stupid enough to get itself stuck in a tree. Especially such a beansprout of a cat. He closes his eyes, intent on continuing his mediation. He inhales a breath of the clean, park air and when he feels his mind slowly empty, another sharp meow brings him back to earth. He ignores it, but it meows again. And again. And yet again.

A vein ticks on the side of his forehead, but he refuses to look up or otherwise acknowledge the fur ball. Said fur ball, displeased with the lack of attention, huffs and sinks back down on its perch, trying out a new tactic.

The sudden silence takes Kanda off guard. A smirk curves on his lips as he finally gets the silence he's been longing for. He attempts to relax yet again, when out of nowhere, a small, hard object pelts the top of his head. He lets out an angry snarl and snaps his attention back up at the cat. The fuzzball looks down at him with as smug a look as he's ever seen. It lets out a sweet meow; an acorn playful rolling underneath its white paws.

"Why you little-" Kanda growls, death glaring the cat. It lets out a strangled cry and rolls unto its side, thoroughly enjoying the grumpy samurai's reaction. Kanda's eyes narrow.

_It's laughing at him?! A damn cat is laughing at him?!_

Something inside him snaps. Maybe it's because of all the recent crap with Daisya. Maybe it's due to the fact that he hasn't eaten today and the heat is starting to get to him. Whatever the reason, Kanda suddenly stands up, completely silent. The cat stops, confused.

Kanda slowly moves toward the trunk of the tree. He places both hands to the rough bark of a low branch and pulls himself up so both his feet and hands cling to the branches. The cat watches, happily swishing its tail. It lets out another cheerful meow and Kanda glares up. His expression is one of pure rage. The cat shrieks in horror and digs its claws into the wood, clearly having bitten off more than it can chew.

Kanda propels himself higher. He is going to kill that damn cat. He's going to strangle the stupid thing and skin it alive. His anger fuels his arms and legs as he at last climbs to the branch where the cat clings for its life. Kanda balances on his hands and knees and reaches out, ready to snap the damn cat's neck.

The cat scurries away from his grasp and huddles at the very end of the branch. Kanda growls and without any other option, crawls closer to the furry creature, who in turn, moves further and further toward the edge. It isn't until Kanda hears the sudden snap that he finally realizes what's happening.

His fingers just touch the fuzzy creature before him, when the branch beneath both of them gives way. Kanda swears and he falls back onto the hard ground. The back of his head smacks against the grass and he cringes from the sudden impact of something very furry and very solid landing on his stomach.

Kanda opens his eyes and is greeted with a pair of light, gray orbs. It lets out a happy mew and kneads the top of his chest. A new vein ticks on his forehead and Kanda growls. Being the surprisingly intellectual cat that it is, it jumps off him and makes a break for it, knowing death will undoubtedly follow should it fail to escape.

"Get your ass back here!" Kanda yells, picking himself up for a chase. "Baka neko!"

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**Well? What do you think? :) Please leave a review and let me know! I want to get better at writing so feel free to criticize, flame, or offer advice! **

**Thank you for reading! :D**


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